nostalgia

I just visited Shelby at my old high school and while I was there I visited with my wonderful drama teacher, who helped shape my life.

That's her!

It was great to see her and even though it was weird to be in my old high school, it was nice, and it made me think. As I walked through the halls I wondered, "do these kids think that I am one of them?" because I sure as heck could have easily blended in with them all...and I thought "I am an adult."

As I drove away from the school listening to "I love you always forever," driving on a road of nostalgia and thinking about my life in high school I thought about how I am not at all where I expected to be when I was in high school. When I was in high school I had dreams and goals. I was going to be a star on Broadway and everyone I knew, knew that that's how it was going to be. I thought I would be at BYU, which I am, but I thought I would be in the acting program and in a main stage show there and getting ready to audition in New York. I definitely thought I would be married to Ricky Fenton by now, and I wouldn't have imagined at all that my grandma would be gone.

It has been 3 years since I graduated from high school. I have been married for almost 2 of those years. I have since changed my major, and am now a psychology guru. I will be graduating from college in December. My life is not at all what I expected it to be. It is so much better.

I am so happy with where I am in life, in my marriage, in my location, and in who I am as a person. Maybe physically not so much...but HELLO who doesn't want to change something about their looks? Basically what I'm trying to say is that I am happy. I'm grateful that I am married to who I am married to. I am grateful that I am going to graduate in psychology in December. I am happy that I get to live with my family for the summer. I am not so happy that my husband will be in New Jersey while I am living with my family, but honestly...I think it is the best for us right now. Financially, yes, best thing. Emotionally, maybe not so much, but I certainly don't think that our marriage is going to crumble because of it. I'm sure lots of people think that, but then..those people probably don't have very strong relationships themselves. It will be good. I will be able to be with my little sister, who hasn't had the best year, I will get to be with my dad, who doesn't have the best health and whose mom just died, and I will get to help my mom so she doesn't have to do EVERYTHING. It will be good for me. and it will be good for Matt. I know he will miss me ever so much, but it will be good for him to be able to focus on his internship so he can learn as much as he can. Basically, it will all be okay. And there will probably be blog posts in the future saying how sad I am about being away from Matt and how hard it is, but sometimes the hardest things are the best things for us. 

Good thing I have a MILLION pictures to look at in case I get lonely :]

In other news:

NEWSIES AND NEW YORK ARE SET.

It

is

really

happening.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Oh my gosh you don't even know how excited I am. Stephanie, Chelsea, Shelby, and I will be in New YORK NEWWWWWWWWWWWW YORRRRK (read that as if you were hearing Frank Sinatra sing it) from June 10-June 14 or maybe 15, but our Newsies tickets are officially bought for June 13. IT IS HAPPENING. Oh gosh. It is going to be so much fun and so amazing. There will be pictures (I almost typed "there will be blood," but hopefully that won't be happening). And since June 10 is supposed to be when Matt leaves for his internship in Jersey I can help him move in and get settled, and it will be a nice distraction so that I don't think about being away from him.

famous

Matt and I are in this special that was on BYUtv! It shows what we do for our jobs on campus! Our section starts after the stuff about broadcasting. It starts at like 6:36. I'm the one driving the fork lift! I pride myself in my ability to drive that fork lift and I love that I am the one doing it and I am the one bossing those boys I work with around! And, it is cool that Matt and I work in the same place, but do different things.

I have had this job for the whole time I have been at BYU, and people always ask me what I do. This is a video to explain what my job is for all those times you have asked and I have not been able to explain. Check it out. We are basically famous.

love

This semester is OVER! It's official. Matt and I only have one semester before we graduate. So. Weird. Today I watched Bethany and Graham walk at their graduation and it was. weird. Real life outside of school? What? Who thinks I am even ready for that? NOT ME!

This semester concluded my internship. I loved my internship. I did so much with it. It was at the Children's Justice Center, and I might have mentioned it before on here, but it was probably just to complain about how busy I was last semester and this semester. I started interning there at the beginning of August and my last day was yesterday! What it is is basically a place where therapists provide group therapy for kids and teens that have been sexually abused. Sad, right? The youngest kids that we have attending are 3-5 year olds and they are usually the largest age group out of all of the people that come. Even sadder, right? The cool thing is, though, that I got to help them! That is the best thing about my major, I think...the fact that I get to use it to help  people. Not that other majors don't do that, but that mine is so focused on that aspect is so wonderful. 

The way that the group therapy is divided up is on Tuesdays the children meet. There is a 3-5 age group, a 6-8 age group, a 9-12 age group, a spanish speaking group, and a parent group for all the parents of the kids that come. One of my favorite things about my internship was seeing the strength and love of the parents for their children. My last day at group I sat in on the parent group therapy session. The parents have no idea how to handle the situation or how to cope with their child being abused. In a lot of cases it was a family member that was the perpetrator. It is just a really hard situation, but what I love is that they are at therapy. They might not know how to handle the abuse and the consequences of that, but they do know that they need to do everything that they can to help their child cope. If that means therapy, then they will do therapy. If that means talking to court officials to try to get laws changed in Provo saying that both parents have to have custody even when one is the abuser then they are willing to do that. The parents definitely don't understand everything, psychologically, that is going on with their child, but they understand that they need to do something about it.

Lately I have been thinking about what my role as a therapist will be..since that is ultimately what I want to do with my degree. I thought about the Holy Ghost and how he is a constant companion, and through his guidance we are able to be teachers. When teachers teach lessons at church sometimes they say that they don't even know what they said during the lesson because it was the spirit just using them as a vessel to get to the other people. I like to think that it is kind of the same way with therapy. A lot of the people that come to therapy will not have a testimony of the gospel, or they won't have ever even heard of the gospel, but that doesn't mean that the spirit can't communicate with them. I have thought a lot and I think that my role as a therapist is to be a vessel for the Holy Ghost to help other people heal. If that makes any sense....At first I thought that I was just helping people help themselves, but it is totally something that I would not be able to do without the help of the spirit. Just something I have been thinking about a lot lately. Whether it is having a better understanding of a love of a parent, or a better understanding of how the spirit works, I am learning something everyday, and it is beautiful.