Monday, September 8

Keeping up with the Talleys

A lot can happen in a year, and a lot has. Seeing how I haven't written anything on this blog for OVER a year I figured it was about time to update it. That and Matt asked me last night why I haven't written anything. I guess he likes to read the blog or something :] goes!
Matt went back to school.
I drove Shelby out to college! And got a job at Banana Republic.
We went to Ohio for Christmas and had tons of fun. During that time we saw Matt's family and went to AMISH COUNTRY!
I went to Utah for my best friends wedding and witnessed two beautiful people being sealed for time and all eternity in a wonderful loving relationship. Love them.
Matt got called to work with the 11 year olds in our ward. He does activities with 11 year old scouts on Wednesday nights and teaches Sunday school to all of the 11 year olds on Sundays.
I coordinated a service project with the youth in my ward at church. I volunteer at a place called Interact that provides services to women and children dealing with domestic violence. I work with the children's groups. At these groups the kids get snacks, but they only have snacks when people donate them. We asked the members of our ward to donate snacks and created snack packs for the children at Interact! The girls loved it.
We went to the temple with my family and did temple ordinances for my dad's side of the family. We were able to seal my dad to his parents! One of the sweetest experiences of my life. Shelby was able to be there and it was so neat to have my whole family in the Lord's temple.
We hung out with Abram and Wendy and the little kiddies and realized that children absolutely LOVE Matt (he believes it's because he acts like one of them).
I planned an awesome youth activity where we decorated cakes to look like stories from the Book of Mormon. If you haven't read any of them, check it out!
I got a job and quit that job at Childtime Learning Center working with two year olds. It's a daycare. I loved the little kids. Management was horrendous and I couldn't stand working there.  It was a bad environment and since I left I found out that at least 3 other people have quit all because management was awful.
Matt got me beautiful Birkenstocks for my 23rd birthday!
We celebrated 4 years of marriage, and how wonderful it has been.
I attended another Girl's Camp with the young women from church. I was with the 14 and 15 year olds and it was so much fun.
We went to Hilton Head with Matt's family. I got a little burnt, Matt got a little tan, and we all had a whole lot of fun!
Matt studied all summer for his PhD qualifying exam and took the test. He finds out his results sometime this week probably. It was a rough test. Now he is working on his thesis. Always a busy boy!
I seriously considered going back to school at Pfeiffer University for Marriage and Family Therapy, but after going to an information session decided it wasn't for me. The program was right, but the school was wrong. Now I am just studying for the GRE to prepare me for applying to my dream school/program in Utah.
I went on a camping trip with the young women and we rode down the Virginia Creeper Bike Trail. So. Much. Fun.
I had an interview with Interact about a potential job! I should hear back from them within the next two weeks. It went well and could lead to an awesome job in the field I want to be in.
We went to a Durham Bulls baseball game.
annnnnnnnnnd...I got a haircut!
That's pretty much everything that has been going on. Hopefully I will have exciting news about Matt passing his qualifying exam and me getting a new job soon.

Monday, August 26

I told you so

With school starting up again for all of my friends and what seems like everyone around, lots of different thoughts have started welling up.
My last first day of school at BYU..a year ago.
My husband is currently in grad school at NC State for nuclear engineering (I lovingly refer to him as the smarty pants of the relationship. I'm not quite sure how he feels about it..but lots of people agree). 

I am jealous.

Why, you ask, would I want to be in a nuclear engineering program? Well, I don't. BUT! I do really really want to be back in school. Some of you might not know, but I graduated from BYU super fast. Like amazing race fast. I started June of 2009 and graduated in December of 2012. For those of you who are not math whizzes, that is about 3 and a half years. Wait...isn't college normally supposed to take 4 years? Usually, I guess, but my case was different. I finished quickly because Matt was finishing and it was the best thing for us at the time.

Everyone going back to school makes me realize how lucky I was to be in school, though. The words of my brother, Abram, are almost haunting now. He told me that I should appreciate BYU while I am there because I will miss it so much once I leave. I never thought that would be true because I hated living in Provo and the whole culture that goes along with it...but I now give my brother permission to tell me:
"I told you so."

Since we moved to North Carolina a lot of things have happened...I got called to be the church camp director, I started volunteering at a domestic violence center, Matt started grad school, my little sister graduated from high school, my mom graduated from grad school, my big sister got married, my dad passed away, I got denied to the MSW program at NC State and I got called to be a miamaids advisor for the young women in my ward. I'm sure I missed some things, but I think that pretty much sums everything up.

A lot of really good things have happened and a few not so good things have happened, too..but the one thing that I really wanted hasn't happened. More than anything I want to be in school. I long for the first day of classes, with the unlimited possibilities of things to learn and people to meet. I long to be learning and progressing. I long for the structured days and the idea that I was working towards something. I know I can do those things on my own, but it is so much harder.

All of my life plans have sort of hinged on the fact that I will go to graduate school, and now that I am not I just feel kind of useless. I made all of these plans and none of it is happening for me. Immediately I think, well what does Heavenly Father have planned for me? Because obviously it is different from what I was hoping. But then I I doing something wrong? What more could I be doing? What should I be doing?

I believe that I did not get into grad school for many reasons: we don't have the financial stability, the program ended up not being what I really wanted, my dad passes away and I need to be a support to my family, my little sister is about to go off to college. But I also have not been able to get a job. I believe that I have not gotten a job because of all of those things listed above along with a few others. But the last big thing is about to happen and I am just waiting hoping for something big to happen. I will drive Shelby out to BYU-Idaho the second week of September. I am so so happy that I get to take this trip with her and that I get to be there for her during this big change in her life, and I'm glad that I don't have a job that would prevent me from doing this. But as soon as I get back from Idaho I am hoping that I will have a million calls from prospective employers begging me to come work for them!

Realistic? Probably not, but a girl can dream! :] I do feel that once Shelby goes off to school that it will be time for me to do something, whether that is working at Old Navy or landing a job at an awesome non-profit I don't know. I just feel that I have handed my life over to the Lord for a while and it should be about time for something that I want, right!? Gah, I sound so selfish. I truly am grateful for everything I have..but I am tired of feeling stuck. I feel the need to contribute to the family, and I just haven't been doing that since I haven't been schooling or working lately. I have rested long enough, give me some work! If you know of anything in the Raleigh area..send it my way ;] I just wish I could go back to school with my husband. Being a grown up is hard work..who woulda thunk it? Until I do get work, though, I will be the most supportive wife I can be because I truly am proud of Matt and all that he is accomplishing.

Saturday, August 17


So it has taken me a while to bring myself to write this blog post...but I think it is about time I come to terms with it, and writing down how I feel has always been a way for me to cope with things, so here it goes.
This is my dad.

A lot of you already know, but he passed away recently. It has been a little over three months since I have seen him.


It is hard even just writing this blog post. As I sit here thinking of what to write, my throat starts to ache and my lip starts to quiver, and my eyes water as I try to hold back the tears. Considering I want to be a counselor and help people to cope with their emotions, I don't really understand how to cope with my own.

I have not really come to terms with my dad passing away, yet. I don't know when or if that will ever happen. Sometimes I will wake up from having a dream about my dad and realize all over again that he is gone. Sometimes I will want to call him to tell him a funny story. Sometimes I will cry because I go through my old voicemails left on my phone just to hear the one that my dad left telling me that he was proud of me.

I miss my dad.

Something that is great, though, is that even though he isn't here with me right now, all of the things that he taught me and all of the lessons I learned from watching him still stick around.

My dad taught me how to laugh.

 If you ask anyone that knew my dad they will probably have a funny story to tell about him. He was one of the funniest people I will ever know. If you were ever at my house, there would always be lots of loud laughing either because of my dad or because he had blessed each of his kids with a crazy sense of humor.

When I was in high school my dad had to have his leg amputated because of diabetes. If that wasn't hard enough, a few weeks before he passed away, my dad had to have his other leg amputated. Can you imagine going through life without your legs? I know I can't. But for my dad it was a reality he was prepared to face. Whether it was his coping mechanism for dealing with the uncertainty or not, my dad was still happy and joking even when he was faced with a very serious struggle. I got to go to physical therapy with my dad while he learned how to strengthen his leg. We turned on Just Dance on the Wii and my dad, not being able to dance, stood on his first prosthetic leg to strengthen it, and sang along with Proud Mary. He was so happy! What an incredible man.

My dad taught me how to love.
My parents are amazing. My dad taught me so many things about marriage and parenting. He loved my mother so so so so much. He would send her flowers all the time, just to say how thankful he was for her. My mom recently received her masters degree, but on the way to receiving that degree she received recognition and was placed in the honors program. She was expected to go to a ceremony for her and the other students receiving the same honor, but it was at least three hours away. My mom being the selfless mother that she is, told my dad that he didn't have to come to the ceremony because she knew that he was tired from dialysis and work. My dad didn't even consider not going as an option. He told my mom "how else can I show you that I love you?" He knew that she had gone through so much on her road to receiving a masters degree, and he wanted to support her and show he loved her by acknowleding her hard work. That three hour drive meant nothing to him if it could help him show my mom how much he cared for her and supported her.

Not only did he support my mom, but he also supported me and my siblings in every single thing that we did. I applied to graduate school for this fall semester at NC State, and I really really wanted to get in. I love being in school, and that is all I have really wanted to do since I graduated in December. I didn't get in. I sent out a mass text to my family telling them the news. My dad called me within minutes of sending out the text and asked me how I was doing. I said I was fine. He knew I was lying because my voice was catching as I tried to hold back tears. He asked me if I was sad and I started crying and told him that I was really upset. He listened to me cry, and told me that there was something else that the Lord wanted me to do. I don't think he knew how much that phone call meant to me, but it showed me that he loved me and that he cared about the things I cared about.

Not to mention all of the millions of events he went to as my siblings and I grew up. My dad is pretty stinkin' awesome. I can't really think of one thing that he missed that was extremely important for all of us kids growing up because he knew that being at our events showed us that he loved us.

My dad taught me how to honor my covenants.
When I was young I knew I wanted to go to the temple and make covenants with the Lord because that's what my parents did. As I grew up and got older I realized WHY my parents did it because they taught me.

I went to the temple with my dad a few months before he passed away. It was heart warming to see my dad, who already struggled to walk with one good leg, participate in the endowment session in the temple. Even though he struggled with walking, and even though he had to have temple workers help him with certain aspects of the endowment, my dad was still there and he still did it. He showed me how important the temple was because he made it a priority to go even when it would have been so much easier for him not to go. He was at the temple when my older siblings and I went through for our own endowments AND sealings, and he was there when Chelsea was sealed to Doug in July.

There a lot of other things that my dad taught me, but I have been a mess writing this. Basically, I needed to write this because I think I have been avoiding talking about my dad because it is truly heart breaking to accept that he is gone. I wanted to record some of the great things about my dad. Also, I wanted everyone to know that because of the things that my dad taught me, I know that even though we are separated now, we will be together for eternity. My dad lived his life in a way that was pleasing to the Lord and because of that he has been blessed. If I live my life and obey the things that my dad taught me I know that we can be together forever because of the sealing ordinances performed in the temple. What a wonderful blessing and I am so grateful that my dad was the one to teach me that.