There are a lot of new and crazy things going on in my life lately. Well mostly in Matt's life, but I like to think of us as the same person sometimes. Just kidding...but seriously! So in case you all didn't know Matt and I are living in Raleigh, North Carolina now and we will be here for the next 4 or 5 years. Matt started his first semester of grad school at NC State at the beginning of this month and so far he doesn't seem to be too stressed out. But he isn't one to come out and bear his soul, so I could be wrong about that!
What have I been doing, you ask? I have been serving up a big bowl of nothing! I kind of feel like a huge bum because since we have been here [about 3 weeks] I have spent the majority of my time sitting on the couch at our apartment [which isn't that cool...trust me, I don't WANT to spend my time here] going through my seasons of House and Seinfeld. Seriously? So glad I got my degree so I could spend my time watching TV. But really, I knew that I wasn't going to be starting out doing what I want to do [counseling] because I still have to get more training...but I am about to go crazy. My little sister thinks I already have. The only thing that has been keeping me sane is that I live so close to my family so we have visited them every weekend since getting here, and people from church have invited us over for dinner and play group...[yeah, I don't have kids. it was kind of awkward being the only one with no kids, but whatever...I NEED HUMAN CONTACT]. Anyways, I am done moping. Enough with the updates and let's get to what this post is really supposed to be about.
I have been thinking about this scripture:
"For after it hath filled the measure of its creation, it shall be crowned with glory, even with the presence of God the Father." [Doctrine and Covenant 88:19]
I have been trying to get a grasp on what filling the measure of my creation even means. I have come to a few conclusions. God created each and every single person with an understanding of who they could become. He knows every persons potential and He expects us to live up to that potential. Isn't that cool to think about? There is somebody holding us accountable for our actions. Kind of scary, but at the same time it gives me purpose in my life. If I wasn't accountable to anyone then I wouldn't need to become anything. But besides all that and besides the fact that I probably be thinking about it in the context of my spiritual salvation and whatnot, I have been thinking about this scripture and how it relates to my current life situation.
Am I currently filling the measure of my creation? I have been thinking a lot [because honestly, I have a lot of free time now] about my potential, and things I used to be good at, and things that I used to love to do, like dance and act. Earlier this week I was pretty bummed out because I feel like that I have not lived up to my potential in those areas. I feel like I gave up on some really great talents. I know that I am still okay at them, but just think how amazing I could have been if I had stuck with them...
Today I went to the temple with Matt. While there, I realized a few things. What I am doing with my life is fine. I need a break. I have been going non-stop since high school. As soon as I graduated high school I started at BYU within the same month. I started dating Matt my second semester, was engaged my third, and married by my fourth. I graduated in less than 4 years, and now I have already applied to graduate school at NC State and I haven't even turned 21, yet! I need this time to evaluate my life and think about if the plan I have created for myself will really help me fulfill the measure of my creation. Will my goals help me become a better disciple of Christ? Honestly, I think that they will. Not that I think that the art [theatre & dance] are bad at all because they are some of the greatest loves of my life. I believe, though, and have come to realize that the avenue that I am taking, with wanting to be a counselor, is the best thing to help me fill the measure of my creation. My degree in psychology has helped me to understand people better. It has blessed me with the desire to serve people. It has helped me to understand the importance of the atonement. It has helped me to understand faith. It has helped me to understand the importance of Christlike attributes. I can think of so many ways that the gospel can be applied to counseling and ultimately isn't that what fulfilling the measure of our creation is? Living the gospel? Hopefully now I can just find a job that will help me do all of this wonderful stuff I have been describing. Anyways, I'm sure that this thought could be more developed and better explained, but for now this will do. I wanted this to be shared because I want to be accountable to people...and I want to know..are you filling the measure of your creation?
I meant to comment on this post when you first put it up. I really like what you had to say, McKenna, and I identify a lot with your thoughts and journey thus far. You made me think of a lot of things, like Mosiah 4:27 "And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order." I think we won't fill the measure of our creation if we try to rush things too much, if we push forward always, thinking we already have it all figured out when really the true measure of our creation is probably something that will be unfolded to us over months, years, decades. Years ago I decided that one of the biggest pieces of my life's work was to work with incarcerated men, and I have, but imagine my surprise when last year, at 33, I got this new vision that the next step in my journey is to adopt foster children. God is sneaky like that, throwing us a new "measure" to fill just when we think we have it all figured out. So hey, take this time to have a breather! If my life is any indicator, there is time for jobs and counseling and watching TV and all of that.
ReplyDeleteThere's this great quote from John A. Widtsoe about Adam and Eve's choices in the garden: "In life all must choose at times. Sometimes, two possibilities are good; neither is evil. Usually, however, one is of greater import than the other. When in doubt, each must choose that which concerns the good of others - the greater law - rather than that which chiefly benefits ourselves - the lesser law. The greater must be chosen whether it be law or thing. That was the choice made in Eden." I try to live by that greater law, thinking of what I can do that will be for the good of others -- for me, that is when I feel like I am filling the measure of my creation. But at the same time, I have also found that sometimes I need to do something that chiefly benefits me, takes care of me, so that later I have the strength and clarity to give of myself more fully. You can't give what isn't in you. Just a few thoughts while I should be sleeping...