All I wanted was flowers

Last Thursday was Valentine's Day. Leading up to that glorious and awkward day of expressing love I told Matthew dearest multiple times that all I wanted was flowers. I love getting flowers because it makes me think of my dad and how he will send flowers to my mom on random days..and honestly, every girl would like flowers on Valentine's Day. So I told him about it lots and lots and he would make comments about getting them for me so I was totally expecting them. Plus I worked really hard (not really, but I thought it was cute) and my little surprise for him so I was excited to see what kind of flowers he would get me!

"All of my joy comes from being married to you." Each of those hearts has a love note in it. There are almond joys in the shape of a heart to play on ALL of MY JOY, get it??? (he had already eaten 2 of them when I took the picture). Please ignore the ugly and obnoxious cinder block walls.

Valentine's Day came, and I didn't see Matt before he left for work because he leaves before I wake up (life of the unemployed=sleeeeepin' in daily!). I did meet him on campus, though, at lunch time so we could eat together! It was fun to walk around campus with him and explore a place I know nothing about. I like NC State's campus. It is HUGE and so spread out, especially compared to what I am used to at BYU , but it is really beautiful. I love all of the red brick everywhere! So pretty. Anyways, I came home and waited for Matt to come home from work around dinner time.

Well I'm guessing that you already know from the title and from the way I have built this up so sneakily that I didn't get the flowers. It was the saddest thing ever, not because I didn't get the flowers, but because I could see how bad Matt felt that he wasn't able to get them. He got home a little later than usual because he rode the bus home from work and then sneaked into our car to go get me some flowers, but they were all gone by the time he actually was able to go get them. He walked in the door to our apartment and I looked at him and the first thing he said was "I looked so hard, but they were all gone!" I felt so sad for him because then he said "the one thing you wanted I couldn't give you." It was heartbreaking. I will be honest, I was kind of sad that I didn't get flowers, but it wasn't a big deal. Because he couldn't get me flowers he gave me peanut M&Ms and a Barnes and Noble gift card instead. And we spent the night watching a lovey dovey movie. And you know what? I wasn't disappointed at all. Maybe it wasn't what I wanted, but what I got seemed like exactly what I needed: time with my husband. Our Valentine's Day was exactly what it needed to be and the flowers didn't even matter in the end.

Chillin' and being in love on Valentine's Day

It got me thinking about my relationship with the Lord and how there are so many times that I want something, but I don't get it. I am pretty positive that Heavenly Father would love to give me what I want, but sometimes He just can't because He understands the big picture. Recently I have reeeeeeeeeally been looking for a job that is a good fit for me. I have been looking since the beginning of January, which might not seem that long to some people, but to me it has been hard because I don't feel like I have a purpose. I have been asking the Lord to bless me with the right job for me and for Him, but so far I have gotten nothing. Case and point: this is something that I really want. But maybe Heavenly Father is trying to help me view the bigger picture here. I believe that he would love more than anything to bless me with the job that I want, just like Matt wanted to badly to be able to give me flowers, but maybe that isn't what I need right now and He understands that. The problem now is just trying to figure out what I need.